my heart is like my stomach,

So, how sad is it that i can't appreciate God. i mean really. i've been what you might call a "believer" for some time now. i know the drill; God is awesome; i am grateful. It's not difficult.

So, the other night my wife an i realize that we have a problem. The problem itself is essentially immaterial so i will spare the details and speak generally because the truth is, as specific as my present feelings are, they are in fact the same in all conceptually similar situations.

So we've got problem 'A' and we freak out a bit. Fair enough, problems suck. We get worried. We've been praying about situations surrounding 'A' for sometime not even knowing we had the problem so yeah, we're a little surprised and frustrated.

So obviously we pray and we start looking at the tangible things we can do to try and fix 'A' ourselves. God, helping those who help themselves and what-not, seems to like this sort of thing. We eventually come upon what i came to think of as a 'pseudo-solution'. Fears calm, we relax a bit, still frustrated that 'A' is/was a problem at all, but glad to know that 'A' will not devour us whole.

The next day i'm praying and how do i thank God? "Lord you're awesome and amazing; thank you for such a great solution!"? No, more like, "God thanks for staving of disaster for a while but what else have you got."

The thing is this, i'm an idiot. God totally saved our bacon (turkey if you're curious) and i'm moderately grateful. i appreciate His help and all, but i really had something much grander in mind. It's like saying, "You know God, this whole salvation thing great and all but, is there like a platinum package you offer? Maybe something where i can skip this whole 'Earthly trials' thing and just cut straight to the punch."

So, yeah, i'm basically a moron. A saved moron, but a moron.

And, in case there is any confusion; God is awesome, His solutions are great and i have absolutely no right to complain. If i do complain, please refer to the above.